This past Saturday, I went to a campus pool party hosted at a mansion along Thika Road. Pool parties have long had a history of debauchery and raunchy revelry, this one was different. It was intense.
Going to a pool party was never something I imagined I’d do in the foreseeable future. Like bungee jumping or watching Game Of Thrones, it fell very low on my list of life goals. I had planned to spend my Saturday afternoon with a girl called Grace. Yeah….i wanted to shag her to numbness but then she flaked.
At 12 noon on Sato, immediately after I had bought some chicken and juice, she texted me, rather officially
“Hello Philip Etemesi, after doing some background check on you, I have decided I am not going to sleep with you. I think you are a player. Sorry to disappoint (smile emoji). I hope we can remain friends though”
Funny that she addressed me with both names like she was a HR manager denying me a job. I’ll be honest. I w hurt. This girl had the nicest boobies on planet earth but fate had decided I wasn’t going to get anywhere near them.
So I hollad at my pal Pato to inquire about the possibility of a concrete plan. There was one – a campus pool party. I am too grown to be attending a campus pool party but fortunately, despite my twenty five years of age, I happen to baby faced, so no one would notice I didn’t belong,
I met up with Pato at two and headed to the venue, to crash of course. The only thing he failed to inform me was that it was a party for spoilt rich kids. Such bashes always have the ‘no holds barred’ theme. Anything goes.
I was hoping to stay under the radar but soon as we entered the gate, the guy that had invited Pato recognized me.
“Aaah……Philo, the writer. Nlidhani uko na ndai. Kumbe umekam tu kaguu.”
Now that’s the problem of being a little famous yet you don’t own a car. I didn’t know what to tell him so I just knocked fists with him and kept walking.
Next I met a thick-bodied girl who looked like she had stepped out of a porn movie. She wore shorts which were….well…..really….really brief. Her t-shirt was suspended so high by full breasts and her expensive weave danced on her shoulders. She had blue nails and a touch of baby fat
“Hi!’ she greeted me while stretching out a hand. I wasn’t really expecting that. I thought she’d just walk past us.
“Hi!” I greeted her too while squeezing her palm and smiling. She squeezed mine right back. That was an IOI.
An IOI is an Indicator Of Interest. A sign that a girl wants more than just greetings from you. There are mainly three of them the first time you meet a girl. If she asks you what your name is, that’s an IOI. If she asks you if you are single or with anyone, that’s another IOI. And most importantly, if you take her hand and squeeze it , then she squeezes back, that’s a great IOI. As soon as you get an IOI, you shouldn’t even think about. Like a computer program, just execute.
With zeal fuelled by my earlier rejection from Grace, I leaned close to her ear and whispered ,”You are really pretty.”
She was smitten, She blushed and almost melted. All this time, Pato was staring at me amazed at how smooth I was but also wondering why the girl had ignored him completely,
Before she even finished saying ‘Thank You’ I whipped out my Smartphone and told her to key in her number, something which she gladly did. Her name was Claire
I had number-closed within seconds. My aim was not to hang around with one girl throughout the whole party. I just wanted to invest in as many future bangs as possible coz clearly all the girls there were DTF. I asked Claire where the washrooms were in order to relieve myself as well as flee from her and hit on other girls.
Pato wasn’t going to let me shine while he languished in obscurity so as usual, he left me solo to go hunt by himself roho safi. He’d rather compete with me than be my wingman.
The mansion had several washrooms. The first one I tried accesing was locked. Loud moans were coming from inside. With a fake accent, the chic kept blurting out a repetition of “Oh..baiby….oh baiby.” . It was crazy. I matched on to the next washroom a few metres away. On my way through the corridor, I passed two couples kissing or rather munching each other.
The next washroom’s door was slightly open and there was no noise coming from inside so I just entered. Holy shitballs! Two guys and one chic. The chic had bent over, her hands on the toilet seat. Behind her was a guy slightly pumping and in front of her was another guy unzipping. Too consumed in their unholy bliss, they didn’t even see me. So just to intentionally disrupt them, I slammed the door and walked away
I frantically searched for an unoccupied washroom, almost giving up until I found one where i took care of my business before going out to the pool where most of the action was.
By the poolside, I saw a lightskin girl with long black hair, a form fitting red sweater and tan legs, sticking out of a ruffled skirt. She was talking animatedly to two guys, bouncing around them like a cartoon character. She was the only girl there who wasn’t in a bikini.
As I looked around, I noticed that everyone was either smoking weed, dry humping to the music or making out in the pool. In as much as I am tolerant to ratchet stuff, this was too much. As soon as the two guys had left the girl in a sweater alone, I approached her, talked to her for around twenty minutes,
It turned out we were from the same hood. She was about to leave and the right thing to do was to leave with her, Without wasting much time, she bid farewell to her friends before we left together.
I couldn’t find Pato and he wasn’t picking up the phone either but our way out to the gate I saw him talking to a pretty momo far away. He was in safe hands. I left him a Whatsapp message and went to board a mat with my new catch. He name was Tracy.
We went to her place and what happened between me and her is a story on its own. A story fit enough for Etemesi’s Tales so I will write about it one of these coming few weeks
As I am finishing writing this article, I have received a Whatsapp message from Grace, the girl who flaked on me and called me a player.
“Hey Philip, sorry about Saturday. I had a lot on my mind. Wanna hook up again? Just pick a day and I’ll come”
Uuum. ….I really don’t like it when a lady juggles with the idea of whether she wants my ‘D’ or nah. I’ll see what to do with her after my brain cells hold a board meeting
Arriverderci!
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